This is all so new to me...

Two weeks and then we open folks! Here's what's up:

On Tuesday we had photo call, where we got to see pretty much what we're all gonna look like. I must say, ya'll look amazing. Teardrops...damn, ladies. Amy, our costumer, brought a wig for me to try, and the second I put that thing on...I FOUND ALLISON! Finally! The Tuesday run through was a good warm up, but last night I felt like so many things suddenly clicked. Scott even told me he really liked where I went with her last night. And I'm finally having fun with the role and just living in every single moment. Took me awhile, but I think I've got it...

As I've been struggling to figure out what my deal is and why I was having a hard time connecting to the character, I suddenly realized that in high school, I strongly disliked girls like Allison. Pretty, popular, got whatever and whoever they wanted, sickeningly sweet, perky, peppy, the list goes on...but now that I've really started to dig in, I really like her! It's actually fun being that optimistic and full of life. At first I thought of Allison as sort of a boring ingenue, but she's so not! She's so much more than a rule-follower. She's gutsy and adventurous and terribly excited by the world around her, which is really fun now that I'm living in the moments. I know something as simple as a costume piece shouldn't make that much difference, but it really did. Now, I don't feel like Allison without that hair. That long, pretty, teenage dream girl hair that I will never have...it's like CB with his leather jacket and Pepper with her pregnant belly...it just doesn't seem right without those elements. A few of my cast mates have even mentioned that once I really got the "look" of Allison, it's weird seeing me with my real hair again. Yay for breakthroughs!

And now, for the moment that everyone's been waiting for...the baton.

That fucking baton.

I got it for the first time last night and I have two weeks to learn how to use it. For some reason, people assumed that it was something I'd already had experience with, but that could not be further from the truth. I have no idea what I'm doing. And what really sucks is that somehow, almost every person in the cast has either been a drummer or in drum corps, or some crazy shit like that and they're all great at the baton. What the hell? They each just picked it up and started doing tricks and were just generally awesome at it. Even Zak. WHAT THE HELL?! I suppose at least I'll have lots of people who can help me with it when they're not busy laughing at how much I suck at it.

Now, I know that Allison isn't supposed to be freakin great at it. In fact, in the scene where she really uses it, she's supposed to be less than enthused about it. So I figure, a few figure 8's should cover it, right? The problem is, that whole, me being a perfectionist thing, and the fact that I don't do anything half-assed. If I have to twirl a baton, I want to rock at it. The other problem is that I'm left handed, but my right hand is really the dominant one and I'm not sure which hand to use. I'm probably equally bad at it in both hands. Between last night and this morning I've already become engrossed in watching videos about it, and they all use their right hand so I guess that's what I'll do. The knuckle on my index finger is now purple and a little swollen, but we must suffer for our art, mustn't we? I will get you, baton, make no mistake about that. Although, it really would have been easier if Allison was a tap dancer...

I also feel like now that I'm out of my head and into the material, I'm really connecting to my fellow actors on a whole different level, which is a great feeling. Sorry it took me so long folks...I feel like we are in such a great place right now, and we still have plenty of time. I can't wait to see where we go from here.

Until next time...

Trailer

And now for something completely different...

Okay, I feel like I've been a little...negative lately, so now that's it bright and early and I'm awake, I'm going to quickly focus on the things I love about my character and the show...

1. I love that Allison is adventurous. She fights to win "the boy" which is something I never would have done in high school. That's pretty badass of her.

2. I love that she speaks her mind. Again, not something I do a lot, but should do more of...

3. I love that she giggles (or she will, when I remember to do it). That to me is a sign that she's really living in and enjoying each moment and new adventure.

4. I love that her favorite color is pink.

5. I love that she twirls a baton, because, who does that? Although, since I don't have the baton yet, I've been having a great time miming it...you guys know what I'm talking about. Maybe I can find a way to incorporate both...

6. I love that she's not afraid of anything or anyone.

7. I love that she's also a little bit dorky, like myself.

8. I WOULD love it if she had a lateral lisp...but alas, I've never been allowed to use that for a character...maybe in the next show.

9. I love that she sees the best in people, even Baldwin.

10. I love that she is really proud of kicking a cop in the nuts.

We got to move into the theater a little early this time around, and I love this space! It definitely presents some challenges, but I've been doing shows here since high school when it was still CBC, so it's pretty special. I have a lot of memories in this place, so I'm really glad that New Line uses it. I've also seen the model of the set, and it's really fun and colorful. I can't wait until it's finished!

As I've said before, the choreography is awesome, and I think as time goes by we're all getting more and more out of our heads and starting to just have fun with it. Tonight we'll be reviewing and cleaning all of it, which is one of my favorite rehearsals because I love working with Robin!

The first run through we did in the space for me was...interesting, but I think overall pretty good. Tomorrow we start running again. I think after a week, we've all had more time for it to soak in, so I'm really anxious to start those runs. Once we do, so much more will fall into place and it will really start to feel natural. I can't wait for that...

Until next time...

Trailer

I just hope I can fit in...do you think I have what it takes?

I really don't even know where to begin on this one...

I guess I should start with the fact that at this point in the game, I still don't quite feel comfortable in my own skin (well, Allison's skin, actually...) It has NEVER taken me this long to feel at ease with a character. Which makes me wonder, what the hell am I doing wrong?

Scott mentioned in his blog this week that in many ways, I am essentially playing myself in a world full of characters with very big, exaggerated personalities, which is why I am having a hard time. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to sound whiny and ungrateful here. I wanted Allison, and I'm glad I got the role. She just isn't quite what I expected...

Scott keeps telling me I'm on the right track and going good work, so I think what I need to do is just trust that. Easier said than done though. I look around at all these amazing character actors that I share the stage with and I wonder if I fit in and if I'm doing enough. That's so me, though. I'm still in my head right now, wondering if I'm loud enough, or funny enough, or bubbly enough. But as long as it's honest and genuine, who cares, right?

I'm also quite the perfectionist, which can be both good and bad. I get pissed at myself for missing lines and blocking that I should know by now. Plus, at this point in the game, I'm usually really good at blocking out all of the distracting but hilarious things that my cast mates are doing. It's mostly Zak and Dowdy, but that's what they do and I wouldn't have it any other way. I wish I could be equally as clever and witty. However, I find that I'm breaking all over the place. I can't seem to keep my focus. I don't think I've made it through "Girl Can I Kiss You" or "Nobody Gets Me" once without screwing those scenes up. I've got to get my shit together.

Another aspect that I think will help is when I get all of the "elements" of Allison together. The wig, the clothes, the shoes...I think those details will definitely help me shape her better. It's hard to feel sweet, innocent and giggly when I'm standing around in black converse and jeans. I know that I should be able to dig into character without those things, but to me, little ballet flats and a pink 50's dress can make all the difference. Even when I tried on pieces of my costumes, I immediately felt different because I looked so different. And I think the look of Allison will help me step further away from playing myself.

Ok, enough with the bitching, I'm still having a wonderful time. I love these people, they're like my family, and even when I fuck up, they're still supportive. I'm really proud of this cast, they're all freaking amazing. Sometimes I find myself enjoying what they're doing so much that I forget I have lines too. The other great thing about this process is that no matter how crappy I might feel about what I'm doing, it's still New Line and it's still my second home, essentially. I still feel like I have the most freedom of creative expression here than I do anywhere else. And speaking of anywhere else...

Over the past few weeks, I've gone on a few auditions that didn't go as well as I'd planned. Basically, I didn't fit into the mold they were looking for and they asked me to change some things about myself. At first I was super down about it, thinking that I had to try to change things around in order to "be accepted," if you will. But then it finally hit me: the hell with those people. I don't fit the mold, and I'm proud of that. I DO have what it takes, just not in the cookie cutter way. It's time to stop trying to be what I'm not, and just accept the talent I have and the way that I am and run with it. Wow, that was incredibly optimistic of me...and if you know me, that's rare...

One of my favorite things about the process right now is how much fun we're having together, both in rehearsal and outside of it. Another cast trip to Jon Donut is in order very soon!

Until next time...

Trailer