Somebody Gets Me

If you haven't read Scott's latest blog about the letters of support for New Line, go check it out and then come back to this.

I was talking with a friend recently about what I've been doing the past few years and about the current show I'm working on with New Line. He seemed really intrigued and said how he'd like to work at a place like that. Somewhere where the integrity of the art is really the most important element, not the glitz and glamour. A place where storytelling is more important than a huge budget. I had to agree, that is pretty nice. Unfortunately for him, he can't because he's equity...

The problem is, places like New Line are few and far between. Because they do things that most other companies won't touch, they don't always get as much funding as other places, and therefore can't pay as much. As I've said in previous posts though, we don't do New Line for the money, we do it for the art. Before I started doing shows with Scott, I was considered by most people (including myself) as only a dancer. I'm a 5'7 brunette who can kick high, and that unfortunately makes me replaceable. I thought of myself as a chorus girl, and there are a lot of other girls out there who look just like me who can do what I do. And I got pretty sick of that notion. I was just so sick and tired of being pigeonholed into this one type. I knew that there was way more to me than just smiling and dancing in the back, but no one would take me seriously and for some reason I couldn't get anyone who had any power or position to notice me.

Things really changed for me once I started at New Line again though. I was actually being challenged as an actor, and I loved it. It was terrifying at first, because I felt like I had no clue what I was doing. But it was also new and fresh and exciting, and I felt like I was actually growing as an artist for the first time in a long time. I finally felt like people understood me and really saw what I was capable of. People will say that they feel like a family, but that's really how it is at New Line. I feel like people actually get me. Scott, as well as my fellow actors, pushed me to places that I had never been before and it was really liberating. Also, I had never worked anywhere where reviews took notice of me (because they don't usually mention the tall one 2nd from the end) and I was terrified about actually being critiqued for the first time. I know people say not to take them too personally, but I felt like I was up to bat and I could either hit my first home run, or strike out. Three years later, I guess I'm doing just fine.

Now that I've had a taste of the kinds of characters I can play and what I'm capable of, I don't really want to go back to doing what I used to do. I don't want to be a chorus girl anymore (not that there's anything wrong with that at all) it's just that I sort of live for a challenge now. I also feel like this is the place where I can explore and make mistakes as an actor and I'm not being judged.

I always talk to my students about being fearless and taking risks, even at the risk of "looking stupid." Sometimes it's hard for me to take my own advice though. Lately in rehearsal I've been asking myself "what the hell am I supposed to be doing at this moment?" And of course, whenever I can't figure that out or I'm too chicken shit to just try something on my own, Scott is always there with advice and suggestions and a push in the right direction. It's also nice because he will never tell me what to do or how exactly to deliver dialogue, just the logical reasoning behind why my character is doing or saying what she is.

Moving right along...

I'm sad to say we've lost Joel due to injury, and we'll miss him!

I really like this cast. As I said before, I feel like these people actually get me and I don't have to fight to feel like I belong. We have a lot of fun. I'm creating, and they're all creating, and it's a great process. Sometimes though, I still feel intimidated by all of the talent in the room....there is seriously a lot.

This coming week we finish blocking the show! Maybe by then I will have my shit together...but I'm not making any promises.

Until next time...

Trailer

I'm a Good Girl...

So, I'm a little late to the Cry-Baby blogs, but I thought I'd join in anyway!

For those who don't know me, I came back to doing New Line shows in 2009 and was hooked. I teach dance, voice and piano to support my artstic habits. The Newliners call me Trailer, and you can too...

A quick recap of what has happened so far:

1. We learned all of the music, which is surprisingly a bit more difficult than I thought it would be. Lots of picking notes out of the air, very tight harmony, etc. But it's awesome and I love singing it.

2. We had our read through/sing through. I hate these. I know they're necessary, but I always feel super uncomfortable and awkward...but maybe that's just me.

3. We had a few choreography rehearsals with Robin and the numbers are really fun. I've been working with Robin since I was 9 or 10, and her work is always outstanding. Fun, energetic, and always very fitting to the show and style. The guys did an amazing job on "A Little Upset." I'm actually a little jealous I can't be in that one...

I'm also really excited about this cast. I'm working with friends, but also a lot of amazing new people. I feel like everyone is already meshing really well. Ryan, our Cry-Baby, is one of the newbies, but he fits right in at New Line, and he couldn't be more perfect for CB. He's got an awesome rocker voice and his delivery I think is spot on. Those who love the movie will probably be expecting a lot, and he won't disappoint.

Marcy, Chrissy and Sarah are great as The Teardrops. They have already totally embraced their characters, and their blend is awesome. Ari Scott is also perfect as Dupree, CB's best friend. I first saw him as Seaweed in "Hairspray" at WashU, and I was super impressed. His voice is as smooth as butter and he's got great moves too...the audience will love him. Terri as Lenora is of course going to bring down the house on "Screw Loose." Although, I will miss her mustache and Elvis wig. Zak and Dowdy, New Line staples, are as hilarious as always. Sometimes it's difficult to not break in rehearsal with the two of them around.

This week we started blocking the first act. We block very quickly at New Line, but the nice thing is that because of this, we have a chance to do a lot of runs, which I think is a nice pay off. I tend to memorize very quickly, but then I get nervous and decide to keep the book in my hand, which gets in the way of a lot of the physical stuff, which in turn makes me frustrated and then I think that I'm not doing a good job...again, maybe that's just me. I know once I'm confident on the material I'll be fine.

I think what I'm struggling with right now is the style. Scott talks a lot about the "musical comedy" style, and I just don't think I'm good at it yet. I realize that I've never really had much practice at this particular style. I know it's sort of "larger than life" but at the same time, it has to be real and come from a place of honesty. Sometimes we are asked to do things that might not make much sense or might not feel quite right. But, that's the style. It's also set in 1954, which plays a huge role in the style. As Scott says, it's a fine line for an actor. A fine line indeed. I'm pretty sure right now I'm wobbling all over that line...

Also, I'm not sure how I feel about my character at this point. She's pretty, she's popular, and she's well-off so she pretty much gets whatever she wants. She's a good girl. In fact, she actually states that at one point. She's genuinely a nice person who wants to do the right thing. She's proper because that's what she's been told is acceptable. She's a rule follower, but she has this feeling deep down that she wants something more. She's doesn't really want to marry the nice square boy, but she doesn't know anything different until she meets CB, who lights a fire in her. Of course she falls for him and realizes that she has a "bad side" but I think underneath she's still a "good girl,"

I think my problem right now is that I haven't had to play the sweet, innocent type in quite some time. Years ago, I was playing the typical ingenue. Belle in Beauty and the Beast, Carrie in Carousel, etc. But in the past few years with New Line I have played wildly different characters. My first show back with New Line was in 2009 with Love Kills. I played a 14 year spree murderer who was extremely damaged. But she was also very angry, tough and frightening at times. She was in love with a 19 year old sociopath, and their love was quite volatile. Even though that show was an emotional roller coaster, it is one of my favorite roles I've ever played. Then I played Eva Peron in Evita. You can scroll down to my Evita blog for that very lengthy character analysis if you wish. Last year I played Sylvia in "Two Gentlemen of Verona." Man was she fun. She was sassy and fierce and quite demanding. She was a girl who knew how to get what she wanted and she went for it. Strong, independent and feisty.

Allison is...nothing like any of those. I still haven't quite figured her out. I just haven't had to dig into that "good girl" thing in forever, and I'm having a hard time. I usually find the sweet and innocent roles to be a bit boring, and I guess that's my challenge. Allison is not a boring person at all, she just needs some help in finding herself. She can't be boring, otherwise CB would never go for her. So, how does one portray sweet and innocent, but not boring? I'll work on it...

Another issue is that I'm naturally kind of a quiet person. Coincidentally, the first New Line show I did I played a girl named Shy. I really need to get away from that! I have to get comfortable enough in my own skin to let go. It hasn't happened yet, but I trust what we're doing and I'll get it eventually.

Okay, that was a lot of information...sorry. This is going to be a great show and I'm very grateful to be a part of it. Until next time...

Trailer